Hello! I hope your June has been as good as June in 2025 can get!
I had a good month. I’ve been working on a cross stitch for my friends that is a nice form of passive creativity. I wrote one poem, but I also had a full-circle moment that reminded me of another poem I wrote five years ago, so I took some pictures one morning to just lean into that moment. I also FINALly got off my ass to take my FINAL self portrait for my tarot major arcana series. I’m not going to include it here because I’m gonna give it its own post, but I’ll be sending that out later this month after I do a write up for it. Also, I have some pumpkin blossoms!! 🤞
The other week, my dad alerted me that Trader Joe’s had figs, (I have multiple loved ones who will alert me when TJ’s has figs and it’s truly a gift) so Fran and I rode our bike down to Trader Joe’s to snag some. We talked about it the whole way: how Fran has never tasted a fig, how I love figs, etc. When we got there…. Trader Joe’s did not have figs. I asked and they said it was a “breba crop,” meaning an early crop of the fruit before the main crop. So they wouldn’t be getting figs until August.
I was bummed but just grabbed apricots instead. Five years ago (July 2020), when I was childless after infertility, I wrote this poem:
I found it funny that five years ago, I had probably gone to Trader Joe’s and been bummed they didn’t have figs yet. I am sure I also bought apricots then as a consolation fruit.
Fran, however, is very much in love with apricots. Huge fan! And then do you know, the next time we went to Trader Joe’s that week - they had figs! So I bought some! And Fran did not like them!
When I originally wrote the poem, it was about this feeling of not getting what you want, but still having a delicious experience anyway. Lately I’ve been reflecting a lot on the mother I became for myself during the years I couldn’t have kids, and how that mother is not the mother Fran needs. How each very particular person needs a very particular parent and when you have multiple kids, they all need someone different and particular to them. This line has morphed into an acknowledgement that our different needs and preferences are all equal - apricots are just a delicious as figs, whichever you like best, if only because we are alive to enjoy them.
I took those apricots and figs and used them for my final self portrait in a series I’ve been working on since January 2023. Last summer I aimed to take “The Parent” (Justice) with the playhouse we built in the backyard. And I imagined it would be lush with flowers and everything would be gorgeous and full of whimsy. It was not - my garden was non-existent last summer, the playhouse was unpainted (but still whimsical), and I was a bit dissatisfied with it all. One of my best friends visited in April of this year and basically painted my playhouse and started my garden for me with her expertise in both painting and gardening. (Thanks, Alyssa!) Now when I sit in the backyard, it is exactly like I imagined - lush with flowers, everything gorgeous, full of whimsy. Also, my clover is coming in so nicely this year!
So that’s what I’ve been up to this month! I’d love to hear how your garden is or what art you’ve created!
I’ll finish up with the poem I wrote this month and a few more morning photos:
May our July involve less bombings than our June,
Much love,
Bríg
I still have that poem hanging on my wall because its one of my absolute favourites and I love seeing something I made with my hands hold a beverage and it genuinely made me tear up to think about how Fran is going to have such a different life experience than us (in good ways!!) because you are so intentional about her life and everything about this post was exactly what I didn't know I needed to read.
Brig what a lovely perspective for June. I remember when you shared your poem 5 years ago on Insta. And I love this little call back "...if only because we are alive to enjoy them."
A week ago I managed to work in to a conversation if the Dinosaurs were just focused on good vibes while watching the(ir) world end.
I sometimes think how I would be a much better parent now because I had the experience of not becoming one. But I've never taken the thought too far. It's so beautiful for you to acknowledge that the mother you were for yourself isn't the mother Fran needs. There is so much room for you to grow and room for her to ask for you to. I'm sure none of it is easy, but that is absolutely beautiful. And how lovely that Fran has a mother who is open to it.